Here I go, again

I miss blogging. Everyone Facebooks now.

I have had enough of FB for awhile, so here I am. I never last long here. I always go back to FB. However, with all the talk going on in regard to illegal aliens and whatnot, I just can’t. I am floored at how …yah know what? I am not going there. Not here. I came here to get away from that.

So. It is finally hot here. I need a day at the river, but it is muddy. As soon as it clears, you know where I will be!

I sat out on the porch with mom this morning. We had coffee and banana strawberry bread and talked.. it was nice. I love my porch. I am sad that no one comes to sit and share it with us. My Nanny’s porch was always busy with people. I wish I had friends and family that valued time with me as much as folks valued time with my Nan. I would love to sit on the porch and coffee or tea with people I love.

It got me thinking about how family and friends always say they will come visit. They never do. They say they don’t have the time or the money. Yet, they travel to see other people and places.

I am never enough.

When my sisters popped in here last year, I was absolutely overjoyed. Only to find out they talk shit behind my back. Kind of crushed me. Again, never good enough.

Well, enough of that. I was having a pity party and needed to get that off my chest.

Next post will be better.

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Exhausted 

I went to bed last night and drifted right off to sleep. I had the window open and a gust of wind blew in and the door slammed shut. It woke me and I wasn’t able to go back to sleep. I’d been asleep for about 20 minutes before the door slammed shut. Last time I checked the time, it was around 3:30. I was up at 5:30. I got my kid to school and went back to bed. And I can’t sleep.

I have so much to do today, and I literally cannot function. I’m so.tired. 😒

Present day

So, I’m fat. Morbidly obese. I totally just gave up and ended up gaining 25 more lbs.

I could spend time being angry with myself about it, but what good would that do? Self pity is what got me here. I’m to the point that I’m really uncomfortable and having a hard time doing normal things. How sad.

I’ve decided on a few things. My house is in disarray. So, this week, room by room, it’s getting decluttered and deep cleaned, right down to shampooing the carpets. I’m purging SO MUCH. Then, I’m going to spend a day or two on Ancestry crossing some T’s and dotting some I’s, then I’m cancelling my subscription for awhile. I need a break..

I’m taking the money from Ancestry, and signing up at the gym. I’m even toying with the idea of getting a trainer. I’ve got to do something. I don’t do it here, even though I have all that I need. If I’m paying for it, you can bet your ass I’m going to GO.

Tomorrow I go for X-rays on my knees. Doc isn’t sure what’s going on. I’ve either got a misaligned kneecap, bursitis, or a ligament issue. If X-rays don’t show anything conclusive, then I’ll need an MRI. All I know is I can’t walk to the bathroom without limping. The pain has steadily gotten worse over the years. I had X-rays two years ago that showed arthritic changes in both knees, my right worse than my left. 

I also start physical therapy this week. Three times a week for four weeks. I’m actually looking forward to it. I miss being mobile.

We have an exercise bike, I hope to be able to use it soon.

I’ve also decided to just put my foot down with the family on what we eat. No more garbage.

If it isn’t fruit, veggies, lean meats and MAYBE a bit of grains, it’s not coming in this house…  no more. I’m done. My kid is chronically constipated. Hubby is on so many meds I’ve lost count. He lives on ice cream and shitty cereal and wonders why he feels like crap. I buy all kinds of fresh, organic stuff and it goes bad because no one eats it but me! 

Shits gonna get real when I go grocery shopping this week. They aren’t gonna be happy with me. 

I’m going to weigh and measure tomorrow, as much as I don’t wanna, and I’m gonna get back to it. I can’t shop til Wednesday/Thursday, and have to make do with what we’ve got here.

I’m so sad. I’ve become the fat woman I’d see and feel bad for..  

Grrrrr…..

I just saw the weather for this weekend. We are on deck for around 6+ inches.  Holy crap. I’m so done.   Argh.  

We really did have a mild winter, and I should NOT complain AT ALL. But, here I am over here, complaining. Because…  No. 

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