Exhausted 

I went to bed last night and drifted right off to sleep. I had the window open and a gust of wind blew in and the door slammed shut. It woke me and I wasn’t able to go back to sleep. I’d been asleep for about 20 minutes before the door slammed shut. Last time I checked the time, it was around 3:30. I was up at 5:30. I got my kid to school and went back to bed. And I can’t sleep.

I have so much to do today, and I literally cannot function. I’m so.tired. 😒

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Present day

So, I’m fat. Morbidly obese. I totally just gave up and ended up gaining 25 more lbs.

I could spend time being angry with myself about it, but what good would that do? Self pity is what got me here. I’m to the point that I’m really uncomfortable and having a hard time doing normal things. How sad.

I’ve decided on a few things. My house is in disarray. So, this week, room by room, it’s getting decluttered and deep cleaned, right down to shampooing the carpets. I’m purging SO MUCH. Then, I’m going to spend a day or two on Ancestry crossing some T’s and dotting some I’s, then I’m cancelling my subscription for awhile. I need a break..

I’m taking the money from Ancestry, and signing up at the gym. I’m even toying with the idea of getting a trainer. I’ve got to do something. I don’t do it here, even though I have all that I need. If I’m paying for it, you can bet your ass I’m going to GO.

Tomorrow I go for X-rays on my knees. Doc isn’t sure what’s going on. I’ve either got a misaligned kneecap, bursitis, or a ligament issue. If X-rays don’t show anything conclusive, then I’ll need an MRI. All I know is I can’t walk to the bathroom without limping. The pain has steadily gotten worse over the years. I had X-rays two years ago that showed arthritic changes in both knees, my right worse than my left. 

I also start physical therapy this week. Three times a week for four weeks. I’m actually looking forward to it. I miss being mobile.

We have an exercise bike, I hope to be able to use it soon.

I’ve also decided to just put my foot down with the family on what we eat. No more garbage.

If it isn’t fruit, veggies, lean meats and MAYBE a bit of grains, it’s not coming in this house…  no more. I’m done. My kid is chronically constipated. Hubby is on so many meds I’ve lost count. He lives on ice cream and shitty cereal and wonders why he feels like crap. I buy all kinds of fresh, organic stuff and it goes bad because no one eats it but me! 

Shits gonna get real when I go grocery shopping this week. They aren’t gonna be happy with me. 

I’m going to weigh and measure tomorrow, as much as I don’t wanna, and I’m gonna get back to it. I can’t shop til Wednesday/Thursday, and have to make do with what we’ve got here.

I’m so sad. I’ve become the fat woman I’d see and feel bad for..  

Grrrrr…..

I just saw the weather for this weekend. We are on deck for around 6+ inches.  Holy crap. I’m so done.   Argh.  

We really did have a mild winter, and I should NOT complain AT ALL. But, here I am over here, complaining. Because…  No. 

:0/